kaliope
thanks yes she knew....
its been rough today .. I have come close so many times ,,, I refuse to let myself down...
you know when the bird of death is telling you to do it. and you want to , and plan it , just don't want to be here no more ! ?
then a pain in your chest your teeth /jaw hurts .. your arm is numb it hurts .. your going light headed .... its fear .. it is fear of actualy dying !
it tends to put your mind in another frame .....
yeah shoulda got my ars to the er but didn't and wont .
it is some evil tugging , pokeing , pushing .....
well it must leave it must go away ,, and only the good stay in life .. the terrible thoughts are there but they cant hurt no more ! I refuse to let them hurt me any longer they must go now