This is EXACTLY how I feel. I've read so many ways to stop binge eating and none work for me. One says to restrict what you eat so the cravings go away but I'd feel deprived for the rest of my life and would inevitably fall off the wagon and go crazy. Then I read you have to stop dieting and restricting and let yourself have anything you want. That terrifies me because I eat such crap. I used to be orthorexic and was terrified of foods that were "bad for you" and I still have a little bit of that mentality. My diet is horrendous.
I lost weight from march 2010 to January 2011, and now I've gained some back. I don't know exactly because I gave away my scale and refuse to weigh myself. I feel like every single day is a struggle and will be for the rest of my life, and I feel like this is the size I'm meant to be. On the other hand I feel like I'm using the eating disorder as an excuse and that I can do anything I put my mind to.
I'm so scared of waking up one day and find I've gained a lot of weight and ill never be able to lose it and ill never want to leave the house.

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