Thank you all very much. Sorry for the insanity. My pdoc added Geodon (sp?) and increased my Klonapin which knocked me out, and has slowed me down a bit. I'm also supposed to do an IOP but my SUPER crappy insurance doesn't cover mental health and the medicaid I am on from my pregnancy is not accepted for any psych IOP program locally. Thankfully my doc didn't make me go inpatient and hopefully I won't lose control enough for that to happen. In the meantime, my family is literally babysitting me and won't let me be alone for a second. They are worried about me being alone with my babies, and so is my doctor. It breaks my heart. Anyway, thanks again for your support and fun comments. BTW, thankfully, I did not try to climb the walls with knives.