Hello! Welcome to PsychCentral!

Unfortunately, I know very little about your fetish and honestly can't tell you what I would do in you or your girlfriend's position.

I was wondering, though, if this fetish has to do with the desire to be taken care of? You say your outward image is of a "man's man," and I think that comes with a lot of responsibility. I guess when I think of a man's man, it's a take charge type of guy, quick with decisions, strong, able to take care of yourself, your partner, your best friend, the poor and the hungry, everyone.

Ignorance has a lot to do with fear, and I wonder if you could explain why it appeals to you if it would become less intimidating for your partner? It sounds like you're not very comfortable with it yourself, and I wonder if your partners are picking up on that and it makes them uncomfortable also? It also sounds like you're not exactly secure with your identity, like you see yourself as two separate people. You might find it useful to talk to a counselor about that and build some self esteem about who you are.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I hope you can find the answer that is right for you and that things will work out and lead to your happiness. And again, welcome to PC!