I know I should probably go to therapy or something of the sort, but I have problems with expressing my emotions. I just turned sixteen (literally on October 13). I don't enjoy talking out my problems at all, but I don't want to keep spiraling downwards like I have been since I was twelve. I started self harming last spring. It has gotten better, but I think since school has started up again, I've already gotten worse. I'm constantly on edge and I'm very psychosomatic, which means I'm missing a lot of school from debilitating migraines that I get from stress, and the stomach issues from anxiety. I am suicidal also, so that side of me is kind of iffy on going to therapy since I don't want people to know.
I have been to two therapists before, but I didn't stay with either. I only went once, which I know I probably should've went at least a few more times, but I was highly uncomfortable and when I get anxious I get snarky. Even though it's the complete opposite of my personality. Then I feel bad because I'm wasting everyone's time and I don't think I truly want to get better. I just really want a diagnosis, and I'm impatient. I want medication not therapy, but I can't go to a psychiatrist without getting a therapist's opinion first.
The two therapists I've seen also assumed things that were completely wrong, but it just frustrated me to much to actually correct them, which now puts me off to seeing others since I've failed with two.
Will I really benefit from therapy? I don't know. It would help me to get your input. If you want to see some of my other symptoms you can look at my other posts, but I feel as if this post is already very long.
Thank you.