Looks like the depression is back. Maybe it will go away. Maybe not. Feels like it never left; it's hard to remember feeling different when you're on either side of the spectrum. Either you can't imagine ever being depressed or you can't imagine never being depressed. It takes over your mind, over everything.

I'm not even a full-time student and I can't handle the load. I keep procrastinating and pushing things off and forgetting.... Yeah, when I was able to study for that exam I did really well, but that was a fluke. I'm an idiot and a horrible person who's to blame for everything. Yes, everything. My friends self-destructing is my fault. I can only look on. I'm a liar; people befriend me because of that false facade I share. If they knew the real me....

See, I'm giving in to the negative thoughts. Because when you feel like this, throw logic and reason out the window. It's much easier, more satisfying, more tempting to give in.

I hate myself for even posting this. But some recess of my mind is telling me: this is the depression talking. You know that. These are the things other people are believing and they're not true. But the dominant voice? Screw that.

I wish I could take everyone's pain and suffering and make it mine. So you guys wouldn't be hurting so much. I might care little for myself, but you guys are always on my mind.