I am so sorry to hear this, TR. Not because it's a 'bad' thing to do, but because i know how painful (emotional and physical) it is.
please don't feel ashamed, you made a positive step by contacting your T and i am sure he will help you work through it.

You are right, you are at a bit of a crossroads, but the fact that you told your T and are reaching out on this forum for support are both brilliantly positive signs that you are headed in the right direction.

(((TR))).