I just started using my real name at the end of my posts. It took me a long time to be able to do that. Thanks Deepthinker, you helped me in that. I see what you mean about it becoming part of the routine. I don't think it is routine. It happens at random times. But I do think the endorphines thing could be spot on. It feel good. Just like running feels good after I get going. Unfortunately I can't run everytime I feel like I need to feel good...I would be in great shape if I could. SI is quick, it is easy, it works...and it makes me feel like [censored] afterwards. Guilty as all hell. That in itself is a comfortable feeling. I have always felt that there was something that I must be guilty about, must hide from someone. Now I am telling people about me, about what is up, I am not hiding everything. I am being honest. That is totally out of my element. So it makes sense that I would continue doing what I am doing because it places me in the same old position and as awful as it is it is still a comfort zone. Thanks for helping to turn this cog.
Carrie

<font color=blue>The important thing is this: to be able at any momeent to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.--Charles Du Bos