Hi Breebird,
im sorry you re going through this and i can relate to an extent. i havent much to say right now though im afraid. im sure others will answer you with more advice. i think a lot of people have been busy over the holiday period.
please hang in there and try to get some support with this. Do you see a therapist? cos that is a good place to start. or at least talk to your doctor about what you are going through.
good luck and take care
biiv