jlove, ifs fine to talk about anything here. I do agree with one of the other replys about if you can, trying to find a private T...I've found this was the only way forward for me...a good T will have a sliding scale...but anxiety and not being able to trust whether our T's will be there tomorrow is like trying put water into a jug that has a hole in it...so you do need to feel completely safe within the T relationship...I dont smoke or drink so consider the money I would spend on those habits to be better spent on therapy...IMHO...I hope you find something very soon! and keep on talking.