i can feel myself slipping further down every day now. i cant believe this. i didnt think i'd ever come back to this in my life but just so suddenly its taken over again. i'm slipping and i dont want to move or do anything in case it makes me fall anymore i want someone to come an pick me up an i want someone to come an hold me. and i want them to come and tell me i'm not bad and dirty and wrong ad all these horrible thoughts i cant get out of my mind. more than that i want someone to tell me those things and make me believe it. i think right now its hurting me just as much to have to sit or lay on my hands because i dont think i could stop from pulling, or scratching, or punching myself. i have plenty of things around here that could do worse damage, or maybe better said easier. but i think right now its me who i should be most afraid of.