Good morning to you AnjelMarie.

You sound like you are in a very difficult situation and I doubt I can offer any *real* words of wisdom. But here is my 2 cent opinion (overvalued at 2 cents)...

1. Are you on meds? Sounds like you really should be. And if not - please do not tell me about the cost - MANY meds (in the US at least) can and are free for those with low/no income. So start here.

2. Be honest and be blunt with your therapist. They can not help you if you are parsing your words or hiding stuff because you are uncomfortable really laying everything on the table.

3. (hope I am not overstepping to much - and you can certainly ignore me) I think you need to move out with your bf. Either find some gfs that would let you move in, or MAKE some gfs that you can live with, or parents or pretty much ANYONE who is sweet, understanding and not be another low point of your day. I am sorry if this sounds cruel - but do you REALLY want to spend the next fifty years with someone that you do not really even like very much? Nobody wants to live a life like that.

I hope this helps you somehow. I will pray for you (not just words, I really will pray for you). Good luck and God bless you.