At this point you are at, you need way better than a therapist, talk therapy is not enough, the most experienced help will be a psychiatrist, the only mental health provider who knows human brains better than anyone. But they are human, you got to find the one that works for you best.

Meds are needed to stabilize the brain so T can help, but the unstable brain needs meds to operate in a more receptive mode.

If you had high blood pressure, you would take meds for it, right ?

Well, same thing applies to needed meds for the brain, it is not our fault our brains need meds to function most effectively. It is a medical condition just like diabetes and high blood pressure. Just a larger challenge to fix.