Thanks, Music...your comments mean so much to me. You made me feel like I'm not the only one with two sides battling and that I am in control of whether I give them up or not. I have not mentioned my fantasies to my therapist yet since I did not see a problem; they felt...healthy. I will do so now that the mood of them has changed.

I dreampt that I died last night. I was in a coffin - although I could not really see myself, my parents were standing over me and they were much younger. Judging from the age they looked, I must have been in my teens or early 20's. I awoke interpreting this as...young me has died. So maybe I am on the cusp of a new beginning.