(((((((((((((((((((StargazerLily)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you are feeling so horrible. I too long for what you say for in your post such as someone to hold me and tell me I am all right and a good person. I know it is hard to believe, but that strong kind supportive person is inside each of us but it is connecting that is so hard. In the meantime is there someone you could see that could help you along the way? You know you aren't bad or dirty and I am sorry that you don't see that right now. Please try and be safe. PM me if you need to. Please take care and be safe.