I am glad to see you realize that you were wrong, and that it was sexual assult or rape. You don't know because you can't remember. And you are right about not blaming it on the alcohol. There is no excuse.

With that said, I am a victim of date rape. I have had to deal with this in counseling for years before I could let it go and forgive my rapist. I realized he needed help to deal with what he did, as much as I needed help. You need to contact a counselor that deals with issues like that and get the help you need. I would suggest you stay away from alcohol, even though it wasn't the deepest reason but I do believe it played a part in what happened. You have a lot to work on before you can forgive yourself.

I hope the girl gets counseling now, instead of like me, and hold it in for years.