You have nothing to feel ashamed about. By reading over what you're written I see the following 'other people will think I'm being miserable, self indulgent or just plain stupid... so I try to fake it because surely others have it worse than me'.

To me that is putting yourself in the shoes of those that don't understand... you're emphasizing with others and adjusting your life accordingly... like play acting.

I could be wrong... but I do that. When I was younger (I'm only a year older than you haha) people close would use the comparative argument of 'what have you to be depressed about? You have your health, ability etc... feel sorry for those with physical ailments... those that are homeless etc' and it made me both sad and highly irritated.

What those people didn't realize is that 'I do' feel bad for those with the above problems... 'I do' know that I'm lucky I'm not in that situation... what I don't know is why I feel this way, and that's why I told them!

At no point was I trying to make out that my situation was bigger than other peoples problems... I was just wanting to be happy again and didn't know how to get there. Because of the above though, I stopped talking and I began to play act... recognizing that you can fake it for other peoples benefit.

If and when you speak to a therapist... be honest. That can be easier said than done I know (I'm still struggling with that myself)... but they are there to actually listen and not condemn you for what you're going through... but look at ways to help you live rather than just keeping your head above the water