IcryWhoAmI, you are cared about here. Is there anyway you could get counseling? Something that you could talk through your doubt. We are always envious at times, there always seem to have people that seem more together or have more that we do. Just reading in the forums you can that some people have it much worse and are better. You just have to find what it is that would make you happy. Maybe it could college or a fun job. Just some things to think about. I understand depression, I'm depressed. And it is bad. i can't see why I'm still here. But I keep going one step at a time. I hope you get professional help, It could make a world of difference.