It partly has to due with my OCD that involves having to know the outcome of a given circumstance. I purposely do moderately risky things day to day in a discreet manner. Mostly, I screw around edges of high-rise stairs, leaning over the guardrails, wondering what would happen if I leaned over a little too far....

But, today I got a BB Gun in the mail. I took it the university dining hall and opened the package, which was fine, because the plastic casing was still on the actual gun. My friends were there, and they thought it was slightly amusing. Then I kinda got obsessed with the fact that I could possibly get in trouble if someone saw me with it while it was unpackaged.

So, I undo plastic casing, and take it out, and play with it under the table, knowing that someone could mistaken it for a real firearm, despite it being completely inoperable at the time. I don't know why, but it gives me a rush. Unfortunately, afterwards, I feel kind of bad about needlessly risking my livelihood for the sake of knowing that I wouldn't suffer the consequence of a given circumstance. THE PROBLEM IS: If I don't do something, I won't feel 'right' in a sense.

For example. I'm standing next to my boss, and I feel like if I don't cross my arms, or play with my hair, then I'm going strangle her to death or something.

It scares me, honestly.

I don't want to hurt anyone, but I honestly think I'm crazy, and I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm playing with fire, even though I know better than to do all the things I mentioned above.

What should I do?