Now I am trying to hold on to new t by not doing anything to make me unlikeable and I'm afraid I did today my emailing something ungrateful. I told him I left my session feeling more hopeless than I did when I came in. He has been so great and kind and supportive and I had to be ungrateful. I told him I understand if he fires me but he hasn't responded.

I hope he responds with being pleased that you revealed a true part of yourself. What you've been holding out to him is like Winnicott's "false self." He wants to do therapy with the real self. Give him and yourself a chance.