My pdoc said I should go back to my therapist after taking about 4 years off due to an overdose in Aug. My pdoc says I need to improve my self-esteem & that's why I should go to therapy. Well, I've been reading a book on self-esteem & intellectually I "get" all the concepts (black & white thinking, looking for the criticism in every remark or glance my way, judging myself more harshly than I would ever judge another person, calling myself ugly names, focussing on my neg. traits & behaviors, etc.)

So I excitedly took in the notes I had taken from the book to discuss with my therapist & she said my low self-esteem was a symptom of my bp & that I couldn't "think " in order to make my self-esteem better. She made it sound like I wouldn't benefit from the exercises in the book, because no matter what I'm bp & I'll always have low self-esteem as a symptom (esp. when I'm a little depressed like now). Of course, when I'm manic I feel great & don't care what other people think of me.

I'm confused. Is it not possible for me to learn to have better self-esteem? That seems like what she was saying to me--that trying to gain insight from a book won't help me change my low concept of myself.

I'm really down in the gutter here with the rats as far as my self-concept goes. Has someone managed to increase their self-concept while being bp or depressive or whatever. And how? Thanks for any help you can give me.--Suzy