LMO, level headed? thats a new one hehe. i did need the breakdown, and i do feel better for it now. i feel like a ton has been lifted off my shoulders. now i am looking forward to seeing my councillor next week, that will help i know. i do have an element of relief after last nights breakdown. so yeah, there was a benefit of it, there is of most things if we look hard enough.

Stargazerlily, im glad im not alone, but at the same time i wish we werent going thorugh rough times. maybe it is contagious hehe. thank you for your offer, i might just take you up on that soon.

and jacq10, i do get scared by my anger, and ive been quite shocked by those dreams i mentioned. it bought alot back to me, and has knocked me back a fair few steps. i will keep going...i dont really know how to stop, and im going to try really hard to get eating properly again, and i will focus on sleeping properly again. thank you too for your offer, i may well do that soon, thank you.

i do bring good news...i managed to get the program to work. i spent about 5 hours today searching the internet for a solution to my problem, as well as a couple of hours last night, and i found it! i did what a site told me to do and now its fine. so YAY!! i was/am so releaved when i realised it worked, i jumped for joy! although i still feel down tonight, feel quite tired and down, so tonight i am going to treat myself to some luxury treatment. have just been to the shop and bought food i know i like eating, healthy food too, and i also bought a few snakcs, like chocolate etc, so soon i will be going to bed to watch a filma nd treat myself to some nice foods. i might have a nice long relaxing bath too, that usually helps.

i will be ok soon, im sure. ive been here before, life is like a rollercoaster for me, is for most people you suffer depression, one day im up, then i will be down for a little while. the time of year doesnt help either, i hate the winter, and the cold days, and the long nights, im a tropical species...thrive on heat and sun. and i live in the UK...clever ay!? hehe

i am so thrilled that program works, and for the short time i used it earlier i can see huge potential in it, so watch this space, no doubt a few tunes will be emerging from my room soon.

i have made something for myself to look forward to. my brother moves out next weekend, and i am going into his room he is now when he goes. i am re-decorating it, and making it my own. it is bigger than my current room, so i will do that up to exactly how i like it. i am doing it natural colours, with 2 red walls. it might sound odd but it will look nice. so i am looking forward to that which is good.

so, for now, im off to give myself abit of TLC.

thank you all for your help, i needed it badly.

simon