Okay, so about a week ago I wrote a post about how I thought my therapist and I had finally started to get along quite well. I wrote that he was really helpful and how he said we were going to meet up more often (more than once a week) and things like that. Well, I had another therapy session today and it wasn't great (I had one on Monday this week as well and that wasn't great either). I felt ok but anxious when I arrived but felt very frustrated and depressed when I left (which was only about an hour ago). We (well, my therapist, I was quite passive) spent the session talking about what I can do to feel better. He suggested things like exercise, good eating habits, lowering my level of ambition, lowering the level of perfectionism, taking more risks, letting go of the need for complete control, letting go of the need to fully understand everything, identifying and questioning negative thoughts etc.

Those are great things to do and I could definitely get better at exercising and eating healthy. I asked him about how I'm supposed to stop being such a perfectionist and how to stop needing so much control (I'm honestly not sure I think having control is a bad thing and I'm not sure I think my level of ambition is too high even though everyone says it is). I asked him about it because I don't know how to do those things. He told me to just do it. To just let it go. I told him I've had this need for control, this level of perfectionism and this level of ambition for as long as I can remember and that I don't understand how I could "just let it go". He replied by saying "I didn't say it would be easy but I think you should just do it anyway".

I'm sorry but how would that help me? These are pretty much the same things he's told me for the past three months (except for a couple of weeks, which is when I thought we were actually getting somewhere). What am I missing here? Is "just do it" and "just let it go" supposed to help people? I know he's right about some of the things he thinks would probably make me feel better and I know he's right when he says I'm quite defensive etc. But seriously, is this what therapy is supposed to be like? It seems like people benefit from therapy so is there some sort of important key to therapy that I'm missing?! Am I the only one who doesn't get how this is supposed to work?! Is there something wrong with me? Am I the problem? I'm tired of feeling frustrated and I'm disappointed about the fact that I thought therapy was going better when it clearly isn't (but what do I know? Maaaaaybe it'll be better again next week. Ugh.).

Oh and he only made me one appointment for next week.