OH bonnie, if u only knew this man.

We are in marriage T, and this is a minor thing compared to the things he used to do. HE was very controlling and emotionally and mentally abusive for 18 years.

He would like to go to work daily and leave me here to be alone and deal with life within these four walls. I once told him "Thank u for providing me with such a nice prison." That is what it feels like sometimes.

He says he wants for me to mingle and get out and talk to real live people. The thing is we live 20 miles from the nearest town. I am given $75.00 a month for gas by him. That kinda ensures I stay real close to home and leave the house no more then necessary. So I couldn't afford to drive to someones house for a visit, or to town to shop and do girl things. I have no job, so I have no money. He will not give me money to buy a cup of coffee if I could go somewhere, much less a meal. So forming a outside relationship w/ another female is kinda useless. I do have a very nice neighbor and my cousin doesn't live so far away. But he doesn't like either of them. And it is easier just not to go up against him. There are people at church I could do things with but they all work during the day. So the computer is really my only outlet.

We will NOT be turning the computer off. A very ugly session the next time we have T will follow. If I give an inch he will take a foot, no, a mile. The T and I agree, this is not about the computer this is about his ability to dictate to me what to do and my doing it. This will be the first time I have stood up against him if he continues to push this matter. If it comes down to it, it will likely come down to him or the computer. I will choose the computer. Not because it is a computer but because I choose not to be told what to do by him anymore.

That is easy to say, but not so easy to do. The T has told me, I am behind u all the way. When she gets back from vacation. She won't be back until the 29th of this month which leaves me in a slight panic. After talking to her though I feel lost better. I am a 39 year old woman, who has over come rape and abuse, and if things go south I will over come this to. I just might need yalls support