Bracken, you’re right about patience. I guess I’m not sure what I am supposed to be patient for. I told myself that everything would be better after I moved to my new city. Only some things are. I studied abroad this summer, and though it was fun, it wasn’t as awesome as I expected, which makes me worry about my life next year in the UAE. In other words, what am I waiting for? I think that I just don’t belong anywhere.

When I speak of being alone, I’m mostly speaking about people not being around or that the people around don’t make me happy. I often wonder if I was in a relationship, would I feel better about a lack of understanding from others? But I’d always rather be alone than with someone who does not interest me or who treats me poorly. I can’t deal with college aged romance drama. If I’m going to be in a relationship, it will be an adult one.

Who’s self esteem? I typically pretty good self esteem when I am seeing someone. Don’t get me wrong, I totally agree that its their loss, but I am beginning to feel that I like so few people that everyone I end up liking will not like me or treat me poorly and that I just am going to be single for a long time, or maybe forever. At least there are sperm banks.

Possum, I agree with you, but I’m beginning to think that I’m just not suited for humanity. I have a handful of great people who I am close to, so maybe that is just how my life will look: alone most of the time, but seeing a few people one on one sometimes. I am completely engrossed in my passions. I’m just worried because I’ve seriously been avoiding all of the things that are social that I used to enjoy because I go out and see everyone so happy and getting along so well and it depresses me that I can’t access that.