I get what you mean. I think this sometimes as well and end up feeling guilty about it. I've had anxiety and depression for so long now that I can't imagine not having it at this point. I don't even know who I'd really be without my issues. It's a very weird feeling... like I obviously want to get better because these issues cause me so much pain and I just want to feel normal, but at the same time I am terrified of actually getting to a better point and I don't think I would be able to handle responsibilities and living a "normal" life.