It sounds to me like a fear of abandonment. I don't have a wide range of major feelings or emotions, but this is a biggie for me. I don't get the sense that you have, as Dr Phil calls it, a soft place to land, or that home ever was like that for you. So you went looking for an authority figure to provide safety. My t is out of town this weekend, which doesn't happen very often, and he made a point of telling me he would be thinking of me. I didn't understand this at first, but I think I'm starting to - it kind of makes me feel like I exist someplace besides in just my own head.