Thanks all.

Essentially yesterday (now that I'm calmish) was about the duality of depression I guess. I felt fine yesterday and I'd been looking over some of my previous threads and wondering almost as an observer over who the hell is this person that's writing this stuff.

It is so frustrating that there are days when I'm calmer and more than capable of taking things in my stride... then there are days when I'm convinced I've always felt low and nothing could possibly ever get better.

I re-read my thread re the letter to my T and I just can't fathom how and why I get to that stage when I'm pretty much on a knifes edge.

Looking at it as of now I know that it's at times like that when I need to remove myself from any conflict or situation that could trigger a further plummet as something big could lead me down a path I'd rather not travel.

Today I don't feel particularly depressed... I'm thinking quite clearly and, well yeah... I despise the person that I am when I'm in the plummet as it were. He is and has held me back from life opportunities with moments of self doubt, introspection and a complete lack of motivation when I've needed it most.

Makes me angry at times but that's why I'm trying to get help.

Very annoying to be 36 and getting older... and I feel like I'm 10 years behind where I should be at this point in life... and sadly the clock is ticking. As I get older the doors to opportunity close which is depressing all in itself