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Oct 18, 2013, 10:18 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerak67
Yes, it is a big issue that I am so harsh on myself. You are very right. I need to look at that more.
My t responded to an email about something more light hearted but made no mention of my main issue. I have noticed that he will respond to certain things but never to anything that just requires reassurance or comforting. I think there is some reason for that and it isn't just that he is cold. Maybe he doesn't want to reinforce the neediness. I'm not sure. We'll see what he says about Wednesday if I make it that long.
Anyway, thanks for all the replies to my little problem that I seem to make into a huge trauma.
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I doubt most therapists think in terms of 'neediness.' Again, it's not about removing one's needs from the equation, it's about how to get them met. Being straightforward about them, asking directly for what you need. Maybe he wants to tacitly (by not responding to that part of your e-mail) encourage you to seek reassurance in more effective ways --for example, by telling him, in session, straight out that you're feeling insecure about the relationship (if this is the case) and it's hard for you to maintain the belief/feeling that he cares. I think this could potentially lead to a very helpful discussion.
I think 'e-mail-reassurances' can sometimes lend themselves to platitudes (maybe comforting in the short-term, but unhelpful in the long-term) but a discussion in person can go far deeper, and end up being more satisfying, in a more lasting way. Maybe not entirely during the first conversation, or the second, but with time, you'll internalize him as you need to.
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