Lunar,
That sounds rough. I really did enjoy meeting you in chat today. I hope that contact with people through this site will help you not to feel so alone. One thing that I am seeing in your post is that you feel isolated and alone, but you seem to have a tendency not to let people get close enough to you to help you. Like, you said you avoid your family when you are unwell, and there are various professionals who would like to help, but you tell them to stop too because you don't feel like they are actually doing any good. I know it's hard, but if I can give you any advice it would be to try to give them another chance. It took me lots of tries to find a T who was any help to me, and finding the right meds is also trial and error. You'll find what works if you keep looking though.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}]

<font color=orange>"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill "</font color=orange>