Thanks Patagonia,

Because I'm used to not reaching orgasm I wouldn't say that I generally put pressure on myself to do so...but historically there have definitely been times when I've got frustrated at not peaking when I have felt more pressure to get there, and also now I have a partner.

It's interesting to read your experience. I agree about psychological state being important- the times when I've reached orgasm before, as I've said, have been whilst asleep (once) and the other times when I was feeling good about myself and my body. I don't want to create more of an issue than there really is, but I do wonder whether some of this is to do with having a long history of eating disorders and BDD. For example- my eating disorder behaviours are, on one level, about denying myself food (pleasure) and surviving off the scraps of life...or when I overindulge, punishing myself. Psychologically I wonder if there's a crossover between that and having a mental block towards other physical pleasures, like orgasm. Especially when there are body image issues.

Of course, all of the above is mostly unconscious and doesn't seem like it's under my control. This, and the fact that my partner (female) who has never been able to orgasm previously has finally found a way to regularly achieve it, majorly pushes my ex-anorexic buttons of not being in control and not feeling good enough compared to someone else!

I wish I could relax and let go, but I don't know how when I'm doing all the right things but with no effect...