I can relate. Orgasms might happen for me several times a year. And not with my husband. I have performance anxiety. I know that if it doesn't happen he will feel like he didn't do a good job. I tell him "If I can't make it happen I don't expect u to be able to."

Do you take any medications? I take Zoloft. I had no idea that it kills sex drive. It make everything almost numb.

I think it is largely a mental block that is the issue. I have been married to my H for 19 years, we have determined that it is easier to just let him please me with oral sex and set a time limit. Say 20 min. If it ain't happening then no big deal it is 20 minutes of positive sensations for me, and I in turn sometimes return that with 20 minutes of positive sensations for him. Many times there is not 20 min of positive sensations for him. It is simply a lead up to sex and for that I am usually mentally gone. I have to refer to it as positive sensations because it if is called most other terms I form a mental block and it is impossible to even begin to go there. There are things he knows are off limits due to past rape and CSA as well. I have huge issues with receiving anything positive from anyone. And I never ever ask for anything.

Guess that is the CSA, my needs were never important and I was a means to someones elses pleasure. Do you by any chance have rape, abuse of csa in your past?