hi everyone. after my relapse in may, i called my T and i said i wanted to promise her that i wouldn't cut again. i meant until i saw her again, but i didn't clarify that so i think i'm still bound by my promise. i have been wanting to si ever since, and often the only thing that has stopped me has been that promise to her. now i really, really, really wish i hadn't made that promise. because i will never break a promise to her, i can't cut. but i want to so bad. i wish i hadn't promised her. i really really want to cut. i've even thought about just letting her know that i meant that promise as a temporary thing, and that i want to cut again. but that thought feels wierd to me. telling my therapist, oh by the way my promise to you has expired and i'm going to cut again! lol! that sound a little off to anyone else?

i don't know why i'm writing this, or what i expect or hope anyone says back. i just need to share, and i haven't for quite a while. so thanks for being there.

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown