her response, when i told her i wanted to promise to her was "i will hold your promise." she fully supports me, and she has more compassion and understanding for my relapses than i do. my issue isn't solely with what that promise means to HER. it's what it means to me. i told her and myself that i would not break a promise to her. i am trying to trust her, and i need for her to trust me, too. right now she does. i made the promise to her because i didn't care enough about myself to keep a promise to me, yet i cared enough to make a promise for my own safety. if i told her i wanted to cut, she would probably ask me what's going on and why i want to cut. i don't want to tell her all the answers that i'm aware of, and i'm not aware of all the answers. and because i haven't even gotten a response to that last email, that makes me want to tell her even less than i already wanted to tell her. i don't feel like telling her how much i want to cut. i just feel like doing it. but i know i shouldn't. so what do i do? it's a double bind!

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown