Tita, you know the facts and your daughter doesn't or doesn't choose to and she's a teenager! Teenagers are trying to grow away from their parents and become their own selves; it's a hard job and often they say/do things that hurt others.

You have never been responsible for your daughters actions. She is a whole different person. You can't "control" another person, not even a child. You couldn't have guessed she would become borderline, not everyone in her similar situations does, and you certainly didn't with that for her! Don't let your daughter's cruelty hurt you. She has her path, whatever it is, that she's beginning to follow, you have your path -- ahead of you -- that you should be looking toward and how to follow. You can look "across" to your daughter now, try to send her love and encouragement on her path but you have done the best you could launching her on her way and the rest is up to her.

Try not to take her anger personally. She's struggling (as you are) and it's hard for her since she's so young and inexperienced. Think of some "noncommittal" things to say to her to help her with her anger and fear? I would say things like "Yes, if it helps you to think that way" when she accuses you of some "crime" and try to be as calm and even/smiling as I could be, not reacting to her anger. Remember when she was small and would be angry? It is not much different I don't think. Parents usually don't take their 2 year old's or 6 year old's anger personally, they just deal with whatever waves or situation it is making. Do the same now. Help her calm down (take the screaming child out of the grocery store or restaurant) with "soothing" words and/or a "time out" of sorts appropriate to a teenager.