Haha, A Red Panda, you made me laugh with your anger responses...because they explain me exactly!!

I wrote a letter to her tonight, and tried to leave her a voicemail but something funky was going on with the phone system so will have to try another day. Mostly what I'm feeling is more of another "you say I hear" kind of thing. So I think that will help. I explained, I hope clearly, that I need more support and less challenges as far as thinking goes. She challenges my negative thinking, but it has become too much, and I only hear all the horrible things I think of myself mirrored back. i asked her in the letter to give me more reassurance and validation, and to be aware of how sensitive I am. i explained the messages I'm hearing, and said that while I realize she doesn't mean that, it is what I hear back. I also said that if she's challenging my thought process or behaviours to add in more positive feedback, talk about my strengths, etc so that I don't think that she thinks I'm a horrible person. It's all so messed up. Sigh.

I hope it works. As for Lucy, I miswrote. It's not that we haven't mentioned her, it's just that I've been careful not to talk about the stuff that makes her upset when I bring it up. I just hope that the letter is firm enough that my counselor gets it. If not I will have to start rethinking how I deal with the situation, relationship etc.

My problem is that when I can understand a person's intentions, or when I know that what they're communicating is not what they mean, I tend to give them too much space to do what they feel, instead of validating that my concerns are important as well. If someone doesn't mean to be cruel, then they can't be actually cruel, it's my fault for feeling that way. Something that was forced into my head a few too many times when I was much too young

Clarity, I can see how those rules would work. I am more concerned that some of my parts are extremely good at really hurting people by just using their words. And I believe that words can do a lot more damage than words, and am very afraid of just what 'they' will say if I give them freedom for that. Not that you were suggesting I could just let them say anything, I just have a hard time with that. I've learned to be so careful of what I say, and when the others get ahold of my mouth, I can be upset by what "I've" said. I think the fear is keeping me from letting us have the trust and understanding to react the way we do in a way that fits everyone's emotional needs. Lucy needs to be angry, but she chooses insults and accusations to get it out...something I've spent my life learning not to do, so we are at odds that way.

I will bring up the issue with my T this week and see what he says about it. He may have some ideas of how I can work out something we all agree on. Thanks for the input, it gives me some food for thought!!