I am so sorry you are struggling. My situation is different but I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I am in the normal weight range but keep wanting to lose more weight until I am at the minimum of the normal range. The thing is, I am not sure I will stop losing even then. My T did the eating attitudes test and several body image tests with me and the EAT showed obvious disordered behaviors and the body image tests showed I have symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder. My T has already said if I get underweight she will diagnose me with anorexia. That freaked me out but I am still self starving and exercising a lot. I just want to be thinner and thinner. I know what I am doing is not good for my body but don't know how to stop.

After reading your post, I was wondering if you see a therapist? If not, it might be a good idea to find one. Just going to therapy has helped me with some of my denial of my ED and body image issues...although I am not totally to the point of declaring I have an ED as I can't even say it out loud. It sounds like you definitely recognize something is not right or normal and that is a good first step. Feel free to private message me if you need to talk more.