Last week we learned that my mother has pancreatic cancer. They just performed a procedure to help her rest peacefully but the cancer is non-operable and fatal. She is, as usual, in denial and believes she is in the hospital for gall stones.

Mom leaves me, as her executor, a HUGE mess to clean up. Her house is a mess. She has refused to clean it for years. She leaves me with an alcoholic brother who, when we sell her house, will have no where to go. He is uncooperative and impossible to deal with. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. I will be difficult to get him out of the house. He cares about no one but himself and is extremely difficult to reason with, if at all.

My mother was neglectful, emotionally controlling and cold, and verbally abusive. She will not be missed. But, years after the witch is gone, I will still be dealing with the problems she left behind in addition to those she gave me.

My c-PTSD is very, very bad today. But I have to drag myself to a cousin's house and to the hospital to visit mom. She comes home tomorrow. As usual, I have something planned for that day - my first visit with a new T. I have waited for this appointment for a month and don't want to reschedule it. As usual, Mom makes everything more difficult. I hate her.