Healing, that is great, I had no idea you had 3 kids. I have 3 and I do kinda wish I could go to work. Everything here is 20 miles away. By the time I commute 20 miles and work 4 and commute 20 more miles home, it is just not worth the money for me to be gone. I have no skills really. I definitely am not good with people. My H is self employed and some times for an entire week he is out of town. Sometimes he comes home on weekends and works out of town for a month. So him being able to keep the kids while I am gone is not really an option. I am not so sure he would even if he could.

Right now I do pet setting for people, and that pays some money but it is not frequent or consistent. It is speratic. I also do some consigning a couple times a year, but the money from that is mostly to take care of my Horse. Since I got him, I have to pay for his needs. Which in all reality he is an easy keeper and it costs more to take care of my cat.

For the time being I guess my main role will be here at home. Even if I did find part time employment, I don't know what I would do during the summer months, and during poor weather. Maybe in the years to come, I can go to work at the school as a teachers aid or helper of some sort.

Nucking, he wants no computer because he is jealous of yall, he hates that I share things with you that I won't share with him. But he doesn't care and uses everything I say against me. I have learned to say very little to him about anything personal. He also prides himself on being "old school" and not needing a computer, an I pod, a e mail or anything. He can pride himself that way if he so chooses but don't choose that for me.

At the moment having the computer for my mental health is imperative. I don't know, but I feel like sometimes as my mental state improves and I evolve towards a more whole and independent person the more he wants to keep me the way I was. I am moving forwards and I am not going back.