Whenever something bad happens they first thing through my mind is always the bad thoughts. I am trying just to stay close to my son and husband just not to be alone now. But by doing that i am only thinking about myself and not his wishes to be alone for a while (we had a fight tonight). I cant tell him about it because i know how he would react. Even my son has asked me to leave him and daddy alone. That hurt me so much. What kind of person ( mom and wife) am i really. The only place where i can speak whats on my mind without being judged is here. Will i get through this night? I just want him to hold me close and tell me that we and everything would be ok but truly mean it. How to know if they really wants me and will i ever live up too my expectation being a mom and wife that actually mean something and that they cant live without me. Am i really so a bad person that even my 3 year old ask that i rather leave? They are my whole life and just the thought of being alone just too horrible that i will not make it. Sorry if this doesn't make since just wrote what was on my heart. Hope too keep safe tonight. Just need too stay in bed and not stand up