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Oct 20, 2013, 02:57 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Surprised I agree with you, I bet. Ah, the money. Yes, "there's the rub". I can't argue with the fact that we pay our Ts or we wouldn't have the relationship in the first place.
But there's more to it than that. You can pay someone and still have a relationship with them. I'm suddenly remembering the cleaning lady my Mom used to have when I was little. I don't think she ever referred to her as "the cleaning lady", but by her name which was something like "Warsella" I think. She was more like a member of the family though she didn't live with us, and my Mom definitely paid her. She cared about us, and my Mom cared about her and her family. She used to give her our outgrown clothes for her family. She knew about Warsella's kids and what was going on in her life. Warsella probably baby-sat for me sometimes, too. I haven't thought about her in years but the warm glow in my heart when I do tells me this was a "real relationship" though money was involved.
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I know this is a bit off topic, but a lot of the patients I work with are cleaning ladies. I just think that the often huge chasm of socioeconomic class between family & maids makes the relationship unique. One of the main differences between paying T's and paying maids, is that, if you drop your cleaning lady, that lack of income may mean not being able to pay her rent and/or feeding her children (hence, also she may be far more obsequious than others one pays, much less a therapist), whereas if you quit a therapist, it's unlikely to cause such economic and familial upheaval (they're not so dependent on you). What I'm trying to say is that the extent of dependence of cleaning ladies on those who pay them is light years away from therapists' dependence on the one paycheck, and this really changes the dynamic. It doesn't mean there can't be real caring there, it's just... different.
On the other hand, rainbow, I think what you're saying is perfectly valid, not insensitive, and I get it, just putting a different perspective out there.
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