I was a working mom, for my first son, then after the second, decided to stay home and almost right away, found myself pregnant with a third. Those times, of being completely financially dependent on my now ex husband were some of the worst years, a real wake up call.
He has control issues. To put things, mildly. He wasn't quite close to removing internet services, but there were threats to remove the computer from the home. If I logged into social media, his family was apt to mention hours logged in. That was before being able to hide whether you were online or not. And sometimes, I'd just log in, but step away from the computer or do something else, in a new window.
Working for me, now, is necessary, as a single mom. With the way my income is, working mother's hours, is a real possibility. My shift from married, to single, wasn't stressful. As, I already used to being the primary caregiver, the one at the pediatric appointments, home on sick days, school meetings(parent teacher conferences, iep meetings), all those things I did alone in marriage, I still do.
I like what Bonnie has to say about improvising work ideas. I'm, personally, far from mon-fri 9-5. If willing to even do elbow grease work, flexibility will be there, as will building up your
female support network, and being in a position where if you make a bold decision, such as leaving, you will have something to fall back on, and instead of not being able to decide, due to finances, you can decide what's best for you; whether staying or leaving.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Mama
Healing, that is great, I had no idea you had 3 kids. I have 3 and I do kinda wish I could go to work. Everything here is 20 miles away. By the time I commute 20 miles and work 4 and commute 20 more miles home, it is just not worth the money for me to be gone. I have no skills really. I definitely am not good with people. My H is self employed and some times for an entire week he is out of town. Sometimes he comes home on weekends and works out of town for a month. So him being able to keep the kids while I am gone is not really an option. I am not so sure he would even if he could.
Right now I do pet setting for people, and that pays some money but it is not frequent or consistent. It is speratic. I also do some consigning a couple times a year, but the money from that is mostly to take care of my Horse. Since I got him, I have to pay for his needs. Which in all reality he is an easy keeper and it costs more to take care of my cat.
For the time being I guess my main role will be here at home. Even if I did find part time employment, I don't know what I would do during the summer months, and during poor weather. Maybe in the years to come, I can go to work at the school as a teachers aid or helper of some sort.
Nucking, he wants no computer because he is jealous of yall, he hates that I share things with you that I won't share with him. But he doesn't care and uses everything I say against me. I have learned to say very little to him about anything personal. He also prides himself on being "old school" and not needing a computer, an I pod, a e mail or anything. He can pride himself that way if he so chooses but don't choose that for me.
At the moment having the computer for my mental health is imperative. I don't know, but I feel like sometimes as my mental state improves and I evolve towards a more whole and independent person the more he wants to keep me the way I was. I am moving forwards and I am not going back.
|