As you may have noticed I'm down today in a big way. I am lonely and scared, I feel worthless and my heart aches. My mother has been drinking, as usual, I am a child of two alcoholics. She looked at me and asked if I was sad, I guess she could see it. I said "always" and my heart skipped a little thinking maybe she would comfort me..maybe I would feel love. Instead she looked at me and said
"Wouldn't it be really funny if I made you cry right now?"
She said she likes to be mean and I'm someone she can be mean to. Of course I cried. How could she say that to me? To her own child? She knows I am sensitive beyond belief, I just recently told her I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
and yet she wants me to feel bad..
well congratulations mom.
I'm nothing.

I'm taking a xanax, cutting myself and going to bed. I hate this life.