This was many years ago. I had a close friend that was in the middle of a terrible family trauma. Suicide in the family, then one year later their mother fell ill and was in a coma for a very long time. Just at the point where it seemed as if there might have been some progress with her condition, she died.

I was friends with the whole family but primarily with the younger son. Ironically he was the "stoic" one in the family and while others expressed their grief, he held his back, so the family put a lot of burden on him, with chores etc, because he was seemingly OK. In some cases they were even putting a lot of guilt on him... HORRIBLY inappropriate, but no one seemed to notice or care because the older brother was such an emotional mess that everyone was trying to ease his pain.

I helped the family wherever I could... I helped them cook sometimes or took the younger brother on errands when his father or brother were busy with other things. I looked at this not only as a way to ease the family burden but also to get the younger brother away from the homestead whenever I could... give him a chance to talk if he wanted to, or just to forget what was going on for a little while, because at home it was all about the stress of the hospitalization, visits, doctors, etc. 24/7.

So once in a while I would even try to take the guy on a trip to have some fun or at least a distraction. This was tough because the whole family mindset was that if they weren't worried and suffering, then they wouldn't be "doing their job"... i.e. if they enjoyed themselves for a moment they would feel guilty afterward.

So one day I decided to take him and a friend, along with another friend of mine, to a theme park for the day... for a day out and for some rides (I was just at the beginning of my growing rollercoaster career at that point ). I tried to subtly let him know that it was OK for him to have fun for the day, he didn't have to think about his mother all day every day, and didn't have to worry about what his family would think if he wasn't thinking of his mother all day every day.

So we had a great day... riding the rollercoasters, joking around, having fun... no discussion of anything "down" just a day out. And at one point we were teasing each other about something, I don't remember what, but we were laughing and he said he was going to make me do something. So I quipped back "Oh yea? You and what army!"

Only what came out of my mouth was "Oh yea? You and what mother?"

No freakin' kidding. Can't even imagine what circuits got crossed in my brain to make that slide to my vocal cords.

You can't imagine how grim the rest of the day was. No one spoke. I tried to lighten things up again but he had just shut down. He still went on all the rides and everyone got into the spirit again, but he just went along with a blank expression on his face.

Can't believe how bad I felt. I was able to talk to him about it a few days later... I knew he understood I didn't say it to be mean... it was just an unrecoverable slip.



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