From your numerous posts about your relationship with him it all screams out .. T.O.X.I.C. !!!

There seems to be very little respect from either of you to be honest from what you have described.. There can not be love with out respect. Your extreme jealously is only going make you feel worse and worse.

I hope your able to work on your self esteem and realize what is a healthy grown up adult relationship and what is just a train wreck.

Good luck in whatever you decide