Hello lightcatcher I could write your post myself. I can so relate.
I have a big fear of dependency and feeling vulnerable around people. And I lived and did everything to avoid that in the past.
However now with my T things changed. I hoped I will never be dependent on her, I will not miss her and I will be ok what ever happens with her or me. I worked with my T only for 4 months and then she went on maternity leave and she has been on it for 4 months now and other month to go. And unfortunetely I do miss her and I do feel I need to talk to her and it is pretty strong feeling I have and I hate it!
I even went so far that I restrict myself from any contact during this break. She told me I can send her emails and tell her how I feel and what is going on. Also if I need help she would arrange somebody to see me.
But me being me I told myself I canīt contact her to prove I donīt need her and keep myself from doing so even I really want to
. I got even cross with her because she did not contact me! I felt she did not care bc she doesnīt do the first step which obviously is not fair here. So yeah how to make things complicated just bc of my issues. I think it keeps me from getting closer to her as well.
Sorry I donīt have words of wisdom I just wanted to let you know I understand and you are not alone in this.
