I can relate too....I *hate* being needy. I had a moment there where I allowed myself to be needy without fighting it, but it appears that was short-lived as I'm back to pushing my T away while secretly longing to see him during the week I think it's hard for me to be honest about my feelings because I believe he will think less of me and probably even terminate. It's hard to believe he would still be there and I know the feelings aren't reciprocal. Sure, I pay him but sometimes even money isn't enough and I know if he gets creeped out, he will drop me. Idk