Hi All, Just saying hello. Just found the site and though I'd give it a whirl. My nickname is supposed to be blackd0g, some typo's are hard to correct.

Anyway I'm a sufferer of depression and have been since about 16 years old. I'm now 34. It's been a long road with a few train wrecks along the way.

Currently I'm struggling with what seems a mountain I can't climb. Getting rid of the negative thoughts which I now believe cause my depression rather than a symptom of the depression.

I wrecked so much because of this. Lost friends, girlfriends and now my family.

I'm not a professional, but I think my condition came about through not being able to cope with a few harrowing life events when I was younger. Firstly the suicide of my godfather and best friend in a 12 month period. I've had a negative explanitory style since then I think. Before that I was a carefree surfer dude. Thats where I aim to be again.

I still see my two boys every second weekend, but I have intimacy problems with them which just compounds the pain I already feel. I love them both so much. My wife left 2 years ago and I just lost my girlfriend also, so I'm still screwing things up.

I'd like to add that I don't have a problem with violence or abusive behaviour. I'd never hurt someone like that.

On the up side I'm off the cigarettes for 5 weeks now and have stopped boozing too much.

Anyway that my long hello.

Steve