I have 3 beautiful children and I love them with my life. However, for the last 2 years, I have been especially unstable(minus a few stints of stability). My children have seen me live out delusions and behave wrecklessly (thankfully they are young) and also not move from the couch except to feed them. Lately, I have been dangerously manic (although now, less so), just a short time after the birth of my 3rd child. Because of this, and because of the risk of postpartum psychosis, I spent a week being babysat. My family wouldn't allow me to be alone with the kids at all and wouldn't let me drive. Now, it's like I'm on probabtion. They are constantly checking on me and stopping by and guessing my mood (apparantly, I seem good today ). Frankly, I can't blame them, I'm not a mom, I am ENTIRELY wrapped up in myself right now...I won't be bothered (which is HORRIBLE but true). I also feel very detached from all 3 of them right now. But, I'm not doing dangerous things or planning to do dangerous things. So, right now, I'm just an unstable and altogether bad mother. I love my kids, but that is the case.

Anyway, do I regret having kids? Absolutely not. But, I have a tremendous amount of guilt because my babies have a sick mom. I worry all the time that they will look back and all they will say is they had a mentally ill mom who loved them. It makes me sad.