I don't KNOW, tigergirl. I think it was curiousity that made me look, and then when I did look, it all triggered me. I thought I was "over" wanting to be in T's life. I felt SO good about her birthday gifts, and her hugging me last session. That's carried over into sharing my artwork and writing with friends, and getting praise. I feel good about myself. I'm proud of myself, not just because of the praise. I even went to do some volunteer work today that I've been putting off for months!

It hurts to see others who can really be "friends" with T but I can't. It hurts to see her with her kids. Maybe because I see myself as little with her, and I don't have my Mom. But I do have my kids. Maybe because T is pretty and I love her smile, but the smiles aren't for me. I'm trying to lose weight so I look better. I feel excluded. T has a whole life, obviously, that I'm not part of. I don't know why that hurts so much. Plus, I have to quit in March. It's just crummy. I wish I could go in tomorrow and cry before I even say anything. This is more important than the child part who has feelings about T's divorce.

It just hurts even though I know better.